There are times.
September 1, 2014 | 4:13 PM
There are times when I don't know what I'm doing anymore. These times are not prolonged, they happen out of the blue, maybe when I'm listening to a Chinese song, or when I have five minutes to not be doing anything.
Today it happened when I was sitting in a cafe working on my transcription, listening to JJ Lin.
'I'm sorry I cannot be more supportive now.'
I don't know what being supportive means as an ex-boyfriend. I don't know what 'cannot' means here either. Maybe being a linguist has cursed me to think more about words, about utterances, maybe it's just me desperately trying to grasp at straws, anything.
I don't like not having the energy to care about other people, or not feeling like I'm truly caring when I find myself doing something for someone. 'Who's there for me then?' I find myself asking.
I know that's not true. I know I am loved. It's just hard to think about that right now. And maybe that's why I write, to remind myself.
velda
